Fostering your child’s autonomy: How and why

Autonomy, like many other terms, has more than one definition. When it comes to children, autonomy refers to their ability to take responsibility for their actions and do things independently. It’s the foundation of their personal development.

Autonomy allows a young child to do many things, with varying degrees of assistance:

• Get dressed
• Eat without making a mess
• Brush their teeth
• Make their bed
• Etc.

As they get older, autonomy helps them do more advanced tasks:

• Choose what courses to study
• Prepare their meals
• Do their laundry
• Etc.

You are your child’s guide on their journey toward autonomy. Through your words and actions, you can help them develop social skills and become aware of their limitations and those of others. A parent can’t teach their child to be autonomous, but they can steer them in the right direction.

Every child gains autonomy at their own pace. Their progress depends on their age and personal ability. Before encouraging your child to take a next step, remember to ask yourself the following questions:

• Do they need to learn anything else to carry out this task?
• Are they ready?
• Can they handle this amount of responsibility?

By stimulating your child’s autonomy from an early age, you foster the development of three abilities that have been shown to play an integral role in academic success:

• The ability to process information (working memory)
• The ability to stay focused (inhibitory control)
• The ability to switch tactics after a setback (cognitive flexibility)

When you allow your child to explore their environment and carry out tasks appropriate for their age and abilities, you’re nurturing their autonomy. Day by day, with your guidance, they’ll develop greater reasoning and organizational skills.

  

• Display your child’s calendar, routine, and responsibility chart in strategic and accessible locations.
• If you have younger children, use pictograms, drawings, or photos to help them situate themselves in space and time. For older kids, the same information can be provided in a list.
• Focus on tasks that are in line with your child’s abilities, and start by asking which ones they want to do.
• Split more difficult tasks into steps.
• Turn blunders into teachable moments to let your child know that it’s okay to make mistakes. For example, if they spill cereal on the floor at breakfast, praise them for trying to clean it up, and then show them how to use the dustpan.
• Resist the urge to do things for your child.
• Believe in them, be supportive, and celebrate when they succeed.